Rape- What Ever Happened to Tamar?

This is going to be a pretty frank discussion of a pretty horrible topic, so if you don't think you can handle it, please stop reading now.

I received a phone call this morning from a friend who lives several hundred miles away. She and I met in college and have stayed in touch over the years. As a high school student, this young lady was a victim of date rape. As many survivors do, she has really struggled with it over the years, but overall does really well.

My friend explained to me that she was at church yesterday with her husband and children. She said that she hadn’t thought about the rape in months until the preacher said, “Would you join me in 2 Samuel 13 please? This morning we are going to look at story of Amnon and Tamar.” My friend said that she felt very uneasy from the beginning of the sermon, but felt like she could handle it after all of the work that she had done with a therapist several years ago. She said that she was even hoping that the preacher would put a spin on the sermon that would somehow offer more support and hope. Unfortunately, that was not the end result, and now she has found herself thinking about the rape all over again.

Most of us know the story of Amnon and Tamar. We know that Amnon was “in love” with Tamar and wanted to sleep with her. So, he manipulates the situation by pretending to be ill. Then he sends for Tamar so she can help to care for him. While she is trying to feed him, he grabs her and says, “Come to bed with me.” Tamar refuses, as she was not his wife. Amnon rapes her. End of story…. Well, obviously that is not the end of the story.

As my friend and I continued our dialogue, her anger became more and more obvious. Finally she said, “READ THE PASSAGE- SOCIETY HAS ALWAYS BLAMED THE VICTIMS OF RAPE! THAT IS SO WRONG! I KNOW THAT GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF IT IN THE END, BUT WHY DOES SOCIETY HAVE TO BLAME THE VICTIM AND TELL US TO KEEP QUIET?”

I grabbed my Bible, and turned to the passage. I have read this Scripture many times, but today I read it with very different eyes, and was immediately reminded of how some things may never change. Look at these Scriptures in 2 Samuel 13:

13: She tells him NO!
14: She asks him to consider her and what the repercussions of what he is about to do will have on her.
14: She offers an alternative to him to avoid the rape.
14: He rapes her.
15: Then Amnon hated her and sent her away. (Odd that HE hated HER for what HE did)
16-18: She begs him not to dismiss her, but he throws her out into the streets.
19: She put ashes on her head, and tore the robe that signified that she was a virgin. She went away weeping.
20: She goes to her brother’s house, and he finds out about the rape, and he instructs her to KEEP QUIET and to NOT TAKE IT TO HEART.
20: Tamar lives with her brother as a “desolate” woman.

My friend and I continued talking. She asked me,
“What ever happened to Tamar?”

The only answer I knew to give was an honest one: “I don’t know.” To be completely honest, I myself have wondered this many times. I have often thought that we aren’t told about what happens to her for a reason. Maybe we aren’t told because after the rape her life was over. Perhaps she became depressed and withdrawn. Perhaps she isolated herself as a matter of protection. Maybe she committed suicide. Maybe we don’t hear anything else about Tamar, because there was nothing to tell…literally. Maybe God doesn’t tell us what happened to Tamar because He wanted us to know that rape changes people’s lives FOREVER.

My friend and I prayed together and asked for God’s involvement. We agreed that we would talk again soon, and that she could call me if she wanted or needed to. She also agreed that she would make an appointment with her counselor if she continues to feel this way.

Our conversation forced me to ask myself some pretty important questions.
How is our society treating abuse victims?
How is the church treating abuse victims?
Are we guilty of minimizing the victim by telling them to keep quiet?
Do we really believe that a victim of rape can choose to “not take it to heart?”

I don’t know the answers. All I can do is rely on God. I do believe however, that a rape victim needs to be heard, validated, and encouraged to get help way beyond what a close friend can offer. We may never know what happened to Tamar. We need to make a point to know what happens to current rape victims.