As you know, Jason and I knew Winkler family when we were in college. As this case has been in the news, a lot of people are talking. As you can imagine, many of our college friends have made contact with us about the case. Over the weekend I received an email that asked the following question:
Within the traditional churches of Christ, is murder more acceptable than divorce?
What do you think?
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6 comments:
Not being raised in the Church of Christ, I can't answer from first-hand knowledge, however, my experiences say that I can understand why some folks would feel that murder was the only way out.
I was raised Catholic (which also has strict rules about divorce,) but I had an aunt leave the Catholic Church and marry a man who was/is a member of the Church of Christ. Their daughters were both raised Church of Christ as well. Their youngest daughter (my cousin,) who is about 40 or 41 married a good Church of Christ boy. He proceeded to be abusive, though not physically. He was more of the verbal/mental abuse sort. He counted cookies, weighed her daily, berated her for going out for lunch with another of our cousins and accused her of looking for other men (so NOT true.)
Well, I talked to my mom on the phone the other night while driving to work and she said she had shocking news, my cousin told her parents she was divorced and had been so for an ENTIRE YEAR. She and her ex had done things together for appearances, etc.
I can't imagine being so fearful of telling your family that you are divorcing/divorced, but that is where she has been on this. She also told them she has been in college and is one year away from finishing the degree she was working on when she got married and "had to quit" college almost twenty years ago.
So, yes, I can see how some would believe that murder would be considered more acceptable, even though the idea is SHOCKING to me.
I think that in spite of what the churhc claims about "all sin being the same in God's sight" (no offense intended to the writer above)i think that the c of C IS particularly unforgiving where divorce for "unscriptural" reasons is concerned. Note this quote from an article on MSNBC.com:
"One front row in the small courtroom Monday was filled with members of the Winklers’ church, all women. Several sobbed and dabbed their eyes with tissues.
“It hurts us very much, but we’re going to stand behind her 100 percent,” church member Anita Whirley said after the hearing. "
I have seldom seen that sort of support offered for an individual involved in a divorce. Even the church of Christ's colloquialisms re3garding divorce for "scriptural reasons" or to talka bout who was the "erring partner". The long and short of it is, that in 99% of the cases, in 99% of the places, if an individual gets divorced for anythign other than adultery (and is not the "erring partner") they are treated like an outcast and a pariah. I can't say that this is characteristic of EVERY congregation, and I give GREAT kudos to those who see outside of this little box, but the bottom line is that the c of C IS significantly more open to forgiving and accepting a repentant murderer, but NOT a divorcee'. The divorcee' is considered to be "someone who is sinning" and therefore unrepentant. while the murderer is "someone who has sinned" and is therefore able to be repentant.
3q
by church of Christ are you asking does the Bible say to be more forgiving of one over the other or are you asking if the people who make up the church tend to be more forgiving of one over the other...sadly i believe you will get different answers depending on what you are asking when if we are living as the bible commands , it should be the same answer to both questions...according to Luke 17:3, if our brethren repent we are to forgive them...it does not stipulate what sins we forgive and what sins we do not, therefore we should forgive any sin that is repented of...if we do not do that then we are in the wrong...so are those "christians" that are more forgiving of one sin than of another really christians as defined by the bible?
I think the key words are "traditional CofC" not what does God think. Clearly in God's eyes sin is sin. However, I think we would be mistaken to say that in our eyes we don't rate sin. Sure, we strive each day to be more like christ. But the reality is we live in a fallen world and because of that we can struggle from time to time with the "which is worse?" question. So here is what I think. Mary Winkler clearly is dealing with a tremendous amount of issues in her life. Did she view this as her only option? What if she was being abused, what if he was abusing the children? I know we like to think that preachers have perfect lives. But maybe it was her inablility to be honest about her life that forced her hand. I was talking to someone today who said that if it this crime is considered a crime of passion she will get 10-15 years, good beahvior maybe 7yrs. She can go back to church wholheartedly repent and be accepted back. But if she calls her husband a abuser ina small town in tn. and divorces him. She can never go back to the the church. Whether I agree with that or not, the mere fact that someone in the body feels that way. Makes me pause and ask myself the hard question, Is this belief have any validity? and if so what can I do to make sure that I don't encourage repression in people. When people beleive it is not safe to share their struggles with people there is a problem. It is my desire to examine my motives and the way I show Jesus to people so that i may truly help bring people to "freedom" in christ. AnonymousG
You all make excellent points. I just have to wonder what we, as a christian body are doing to help those around us. We call ourselves a "family." I would like to think that if my sister, husband, child, or whatever was about to snap that I would have some clue about it. I would also like to think that if I was about to "snap" that someone around me would be in tune with me enough to notice. I am not sure that they would, but I'd like to think that they would.
Anyway, I think that one of the anonymous posts makes an excellent point. A murderer has an entire row of supporters in the court room... a divorcee is shamed and cast out. Which would you choose? Murder with support or Divorce with Lonliness? Both are forgivable sins, right?
i think the point has to be made that the issue being brought up here is whether or not "humans" are more forgiving...fact of the matter is that if we are more forgiving of one sin over another then we are not living a christian lifestyle...we also are committing sin...the question might also be asked if a convicted pedophile came to your congregation and repented of his sins would you welcome him wholeheartedly into your home with your small children? surely the same answer applies that sin is sin and if he repented he must be forgiven...and
i have a question of my own...define "traditional" church of Christ? to use this phrase insinuates there is a difference between a "traditional" church of Christ and a "non-traditional" church of Christ...now i would assume that by differentiating between the two that there are some doctrinal differences between the two...if 2 churches are teaching different doctrines...they cannot both be correct...so either one is the church mentioned in the bible and the other one is not or they are both erring from the biblical standards set forth by God...but they cannot both be teaching opposing doctrine and both be teaching truth...if they are both teaching the same doctrine then why the distinction?
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