I Don't Have to Understand...But I'd Like to...

Over the course of the last week, I have been involved in a very troubling situation. I won’t go into the details, I will just say that another person and I didn’t quite see eye to eye. I never really viewed it as needing to get “my way” or even that my way was the "right way." When it came right down to it, I didn’t really care what the outcome was; I only cared about the process by which the outcome was reached.

The drama of this whole thing went on for several days, and several people got involved. I was confused, and wanted to understand the process of how decisions were being made and carried out. I just wanted to understand. I asked a lot of questions seeking clarity. I tried to look at things through different eyes. I prayed and asked for God’s guidance. But when push came to shove, I got angry, and I allowed that anger to alter the person that I am, and the person that I am trying to become.

Once again, let me say, I just wanted to understand. I fully believe that understanding why a problem happens, or what the rules are in certain situations are the keys to avoiding future episodes of similar drama. As much as I tried, I just didn’t get it. I just didn’t understand. My frustration level grew and grew. My frustration grew into anger. I said things that I wished that I hadn’t. I hurt people that I love. I was not honorable to God, and I was not honorable to myself.

I have apologized for my behavior, and I have prayed for forgiveness from God. I know that I am forgiven. I learned an important lesson in this situation. I don’t have to understand, and I don’t have to agree with decisions made by others. Even if my toes get stepped on, and I wind up hurt, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I continue to do what I believe to be the right thing…even when I believe that others aren’t.