In the past week, I have oddly received 5 emails asking me about what “happened” at the church that made me as upset and angry as I have been for some time now. Over this period of time, many of you have asked, and I have not been willing to share anything at all. I have felt that it is best that I simply shut up and let people think what they want to think. I still uphold the idea of letting people think what they want to think, but I have decided that “shutting up” about this only isolates me more from many people that I love and care about very much.
It’s really not all that dramatic, nor is it all that complicated. The long and short of it is this:
Since shortly before Brian’s “resignation” something didn’t feel quite right but I was pretty clueless about what was happening. This time was filled and surrounded by miscommunications, unwillingness to communicate openly, predetermined “beliefs,” assumptions, and a great deal of difficulty. These difficulties ultimately led to my “resignation” as well. The assumptions and unwillingness to communicate openly were very hurtful to me, and despite my efforts for resolution, I found myself ousted (for lack of a better word).
As time progressed, the bitterness and anger that I have felt have increased a great deal. In many ways, I have felt like it didn’t matter if I was part of that family or not, so it was easy to stay away.
I have sought the help of church leaders who were not involved with the situation. Unfortunately, my request has been met with a counter offer of an original meeting that would include those whom I feel purposely set out to not only hurt me, but to tear me down, judge my character, and bully me. I have felt the need to meet with those whom I believe can help to mend fences and clear the air. At this point, that has not been an option of possibility. So, I have worked hard to let go, and although I continue to struggle, I have come a LONG way in my part of healing this situation and learning to forgive those who have hurt me.
So, I appreciate all of your emails, and your questions. Please understand that it would not be appropriate for me to say any more than I already have. Also, please understand that just because of this “fall out” I remain committed to my walk with God, as I have never left Him (contrary to popular belief).
I miss many of you, but still pray for you, think about you, read your blogs (hehehe) and wonder how you are. I will continue to pray about all of this, and I would appreciate your prayers as well. God is good, and if it is supposed to work out, it will.
Love, Hugs, and Prayers to all.
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7 comments:
i'm sorry that you have had to struggle with this. it is odd that they won't meet with you without the other party present until you feel okay about the other person being there. i think i would feel ousted too. it sounds like you are afraid of the other person. it must have been hard to be afraid at church. i'll keep praying.
Dear Connie,
I had no idea. I will pray that it works out.
Connie,
Doesn't surprise me. Just another reason why I have left this building.
Conni- go here and read what she has to say in her 3rd post- one sentence, I think you could use
http://dontgetmestarted-lindasharp.typepad.com/
Here is the sentence I was pseaking of
"But then I have always ascribed to a very simple belief - emotional baggage always has a broken strap and never any wheels, so why drag it around?"
I think you might benefit from reading "The Shack." Mac (the key character in the book) was hurting so deeply because others had brought pain into his life - but when he had an encounter with God and it changed his life!
My husband & I were members at that congregation for many years. We too had an issue with members who lied, and other dishonest acts, some of those members held authoratative positions. We were drug into meetings to "resolve" situations with these people and in the end, we were made to look like the individuals at fault. We were embarrassed, humiliated, and angry. We left this congregation and many friends behind, never to discuss it with anyone there again. It has taken us 7 years but we have forgiven; we couldn't let them rule our lives. I will pray for you and your situation. God will heal your heart in His time.
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